What are some funny and smart quotes?

Few people had funnier or smarter quotes than Cliff Clavin from the TV show, Cheers.

“It’s a little known fact that pigs are the smartest animal. Scientists say that if pigs had thumbs and a language that they could be trained to do manual labor. They give you 20 to 30 years of loyal service and then at their retirement dinner, you can eat them.”

“It’s a little known fact that the tan became popular in the Bronze Age.”

Does the pro-choice movement realise that all the money used to subside abortions can be used to subsidize daycare and other financial support for single mothers with unplanned pregnancies?

“The human brain can only operate as fast as its slowest brain cells. Too much alcohol kills brain cells, especially the slower, weaker ones. So, regular consumption of beer eliminates the slower brain cells after you’ve had a few beers which will speed up your brain.”

My sister Tracy sent me these a little while ago. I thought I’d share them. Thanks Trace.

“A Freudian slip is when you say one thing when you’re really thinking about a mother.”

My blog is new. I need 10 article posts for my blog. How much should I pay for it?

“Ah just like all women. If they’re not turning down your proposal of marriage, they”re accusing you of suspicious behavior in the lingerie changing room.”

They did a study between postal workers and chimpanze...

“Everyone in the Swiss Army owns a Swiss Army knife. That’s why no one messes with Switzerland.”

Why do atheists always argue about the existence of suffering in the world as meaning God doesn't exist when it doesn't prove anything?

“There is no rule against postal workers dating women. It just works out that way.”